Last two months the thought re-occured many times. "Run away from hardship!" Here is where I wanted to run. Then I thought things settled enough to keep going. I thought these guys are the ones I was praying for.
Maybe not. Maybe I'm still alone. Words testify this latter. D2 invited me to this prayer meeting tonight. D1 killed with some sentences earlier today. Am I still alone? Lord, send workers, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. It's not good for (wo)man to be alone.
Or maybe I just don't understand. Nothing, not even a mention. Be and stay humble. Good lesson. Maybe they are them, while gabi will be a big-big zero. It's difficult. Especially with not being recognised as a girl*. Calling not compatible with structures? Maybe I'm more Marc-like than I thought?!? I feel helpless, vulnerable and very-very lonely.
Good, indeed good to be transparent. I told D1 everything in the car, that I had thought about him as competition and how stupid that was. Strange we have a lot in common. We share the same struggles, fears and a lot more. Thank you Lord that I'm not alone. And sorry for thinking the worst first. Even he took all the glory I should be happy. May my heart be like that...
*I think I'm recognised, at least tonight. Sorry for writing out of sudden burst of pain. Tonight was a perfect example. And there is a chance to envision others. Not only there are others, but sisters & brothers with a soft heart.
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