"Transform by the renewing of your mind"

It might have been a little too much. Not being able to do the things I normally enjoy doing on a regular basis. Think of extreme ideas, like running in the park, cooking and inviting friends over, sitting in a café over a glass of wine, visiting friends in hospital.
To be honest, I did find pleasure in giving up all these activities for the sake of working on professional development. You could even say I made some progress in that respect.

It might have been a little too much. My mother has been fighting this illness for the last 7 years or so. By now, after a year and a half of chemotherapy she lost all her energy, patience, immune protection, you name it. Yet, she wants to live, has hopes of persevering and conquering, and the virus was nowhere to be found at her last in-depth blood test. Moreover, her liver functions are better than most young men's, following a 'good' party.

It might have been a little too much. Two married men assisting, helping, while I almost would have been able to manage on my own. The notion that it ever occurred to me, i.e. the determination to manage on my own, brought me to tears. Yes, the fine-tuning has been happening, but some sort of staggering is ever present, sticking its nasty head out from unexpected 'corners' of the deep crevasses... of my soul. No, I want to, choose to be fragile, needy and dependent. I have fought too much, conquered enough, it's time for a gracious dance. The pain-inducement could might as well be considered a gentle reminder. I shall take it as such.

It might have been a little too much... ignorance of keeping stock. In your inventory, where the pluses always, without exception, outnumber the minuses. When you have frequent interaction with people who boost you out of narrow-mindedness and vicious self-defeating circles, well, then... I am confined to act in no other way than to give thanks.

It might have been a little too much... self-consumption and introvertedness. Help me get back to the rhythm of the dance. I don't mind the concentration and devotion, just beg you to make it look like a figure-skater's award-winning Canon. Like this:

Comments

[kosn]

welcome to wisdom born of failure, knowledge able to be used for the better of others...the self just follows...ahh...the spirit...