Gabi's Narnia

"Transform by the renewing of your mind"

It might have been a little too much. Not being able to do the things I normally enjoy doing on a regular basis. Think of extreme ideas, like running in the park, cooking and inviting friends over, sitting in a café over a glass of wine, visiting friends in hospital.
To be honest, I did find pleasure in giving up all these activities for the sake of working on professional development. You could even say I made some progress in that respect.

Is there anyone out there?

Was wondering whether anyone is still subscribed to my RSS and is reading this. Several friends have been gently nudging me to write again and I was indeed considering... it, again... hehe. Probably it would mostly consist of what I am learning about the roots of Christianity through the lens of Judaism, but as in the past, you never know where it could or would all lead.

At this point I am quite burdened by the safety precautions I should be taking. Should I be taking any? :P

Those who are not FB friends: I stepped on the path that was supposed to lead me to become a fully fledged professional interpreter and translator with a diploma in hand. The result,  although not quite there yet, is going to resemble much more a tramp rejoicing over the heap of trash piling over him. I am lost. I might have learnt some and acquired knowledge in certain areas... only because I came realised that truly, absolutely, to the very core of any synopses I have ever used: I do not know a thing. Probably that's a good start. We also negotiated with the Leadership that if I ever get any chance to let the talents and gifts entrusted to my care spark in an EU setting, or in any income-generating setting for that matter, the Leadership is to be blamed for the halo. That is a very viable and sustainable business plan, because by now I have learnt some of its dynamics. Let's see what's round the corner! Stay tuned!

We want to be like the West, don't we?

Ok, will start the comeback with a rather ordinary topic. One of my pet peeve forever, standing right on the elevator in the tube.
Usually I run everywhere. For femininity's sake let's call it 'dynamic move'. Now, the other day I wasn't only dynamically moving down the elevator, but was also on the phone with my Mom when a young couple with a baby stroller was blocking the way. The daddy was holding the thing on the left hand-side, so I kindly asked the mom to let me pass. She turned around abhorred, claiming that the stroller was so big that I wouldn't be able to pass anyhow. While still talking to my Mom, holding the phone to my ear, I told the young mother that I am absolutely sure that I could pass, without pushing or endangering her baby.
She started to get really worked up, so in desperation I resorted to the tool of ideological influencing and stupidly claimed that we (Hungarians) want to be like the West, act like the West, so why don't we stand on the right hand-side on the elevator like in the West, let's say, in London?
Woe to me for doing so. My daring statement simply blew their mind and the husband turned around to eye me and rather outloud claimed that "What a pretty lady, she is wearing a skirt! (irony-filled) She must be some kind of a lawyer or what."

Of course, to my dismay, there was no train ready to depart once we got to the bottom, so I headed to the furthest section of the station and hoped they wouldn't follow and continue to make remarks about my social class and dressing. Now I know that I should have said Prague, because everyone respects this "stand on the right" rule in the Czech capital's tube system. Or simply shouldn't have said anything, but rejoice that I inherit nice clothes from my cousin and have good taste to buy in second hand shops.

Next time.

Better Hungary?

Now, that the Jobbik (English official site here) received almost 15% of the votes at the European Parliamentary Elections, and that we learnt that Hungary hasn't become a second Palestine, it might be worth for my foreign friends to watch what kind of a group is about to enter the Parliament and most probably the government next year, at the 4-yearly Hungarian elections.

Pay extra attention to the analogy he draws between the early set-up and self-organisational skills of the fledgling Christians Church and the 'awakening' that are both needed and is happening at this hour. Huhh? The early church was a life or death game, with extremely high threshold standards of entrance. You had to prove in the long run that you were both committed to the cause and willing to endure humiliation also from the people you desired to join and the wider society, of which you have already crossed the safety boundaries of at that point already. Plus, Spiritual awakening is never a counter-reaction of the conceived present economic oppression in the first place, but a turning towards God and repentance of sin both on the individual and collective level, identifying with the sins of the leaders of the country. I await the moment when any political leader falls down on his/her knees and weeps for the sins of the leaders who screwed it up.

Another issue is worth mentioning... "Protecting the land". As far as they have shown, their intention to do so is by deploying the Hungarian Guard on missions, in arms, to threat the poop out of people. The other line is by fighting the nasty capitalists who give jobs to many thousands of young people (and to most of my friends), all of whom are fluent at least in two foreign languages, earning at least 3 times as much as a less fortunate ordinary worker, a cashier let's say. And to the grin prospects that we have, SMEs won't pay for the bank loans of all these thousands...

Of course one can anticipate what order they shall pursue. First propaganda against the Roma, then the Jews and then those Christians who speak up against them. Hopefully there will be many.

Long due excerpt through Lea

From pages 98-99 of C.S. Lewis's The Four Loves:

The Companionship was between people who were doing something together—hunting, studying, painting or what you will. The Friends will still be doing something together, but something more inward, less widely shared and less easily defined; still hunters, but of some immaterial quality; still collaborating, but in some work the world does not, or not yet, take account of; still travelling companions, but on a different kind of journey. Hence we picture lovers face to face but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.

...

When two people who thus discover that they are on the same secret road are of different sexes, the friendship which arises between them will very easily pass—may pass in the first half-hour—into erotic love. Indeed, unless they are physically repulsive to each other or unless one or both already loves elsewhere, it is almost certain to do so sooner or later. And conversely, erotic love may lead to Friendship between the lovers. But this, so far from obliterating the distinction between the two loves, puts it in a clearer light. If one who was first, in the deep and full sense, your Friend, is then gradually or suddenly revealed as also your lover you will certainly not want to share the beloved’s erotic love with any third. But you will have no jealousy at all about sharing the Friendship. Nothing so enriches an erotic love as the discovery that the Beloved can deeply, truly and spontaneously enter into Friendship with the Friends you already had: to feel that not only are we two united by erotic love but we three or four or five are all travellers on the same quest, have all a common vision.

…

Suppose you are fortunate enough to have “fallen in love with” and married your Friend. And now suppose it possible that you were offered the choice of two futures: “Eitheryou two will cease to be lovers but remain forever joint seekers of the same God, the same beauty, the same truth, or else, losing all that, you will retain as long as you live the raptures and ardours, all the wonder and the wild desire of Eros. Choose which you please.” Which should we choose? Which choice should we not regret after we had made it?

[Italics, quotes, and lack of commas are Lewis’s.]

Alright. This clearing up of files from the Mac's desktop came at a very unfortunate timing since we were sharing our deepest struggles on the phone somewhere between Dorottya Udvar and the Móricz Zsigmond Square earlier today. Do I have any other single, male friend that I am also attracted to? Of course I do, but we don't keep in touch.

Myers-Briggs result on FB

painfully true, but the wings are somehow still missing...

ENTJ

Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas.

Careers

* Chief Executive Officer
* Network integration specialist
* Management consultant
* Politician/political manager
* Franchise owner
* Corporate finance attorney
* Personalle financial planner
* Real estate developer
* Marketing executive
* Intellectual property attorney
* Investment consultan/planner
* Economic analyst
* Chemical engineer
* Educational consultant
* Judge

Personality and misc.

If the spe'rm email guy didn't exist I would only call them wimps. He adds the adjective lunatic to the description. Quite dissuasive, altogether.

In the meanwhile, should order an i love Hashem T-shirt... no, I NEVER wear T-shirt, maybe this coffee mug would be slightly more convenient. And the coffee with the 24-7 team racing through Europe seems to be the right match for this week, along with a website's translation and making those final stitches. Just peeked into Early Bird's camera while she is at the Leadership Forum in Eger. Those werkshots are best. Soon!

No why-s

I should be blogging and should have blogged even before. I'm sitting in front of the screen and blame An Chi for drawing my attention to the fact that there is no communication taking place. Now I come to the realisation that indeed, there is no communication but I shouldn't expect communication at all. He came to get sth, he got it, left and that's it. Why should we talk?

So much is happening deep inside. I suppose these things you cannot write down, you simply experience and they are yours, only yours. If you were a friend I talked to on the phone at least, not mentioning the obvious in person interaction, then you might get some of it or you already have. Otherwise it's deeper than the Mariana Trench and is worth more than all the Rockefeller fortune and more delicate than the silk produced by those Chinese caterpillars. I'm also standing on the Rock and have looked around to state that we are very high up and it's very easy for me to start stomping about and slip into the abyss. We don't want that, do we?

Wish I could be honest here. Wish I could tell everything that has been going on since last September. I'm being de-hibernated, re-set, fine-tuned. In that order.

"It's not complicated"

It is not easy. Although it was always obvious, somehow the sheer intensity of this already unfamiliar pain struck me and left me paralysed. At this point I can handle the notion, but no other hiccups. Thank God for my hibernised state of emotional vagabondry. Still, this is a time to uncover buried depths and let the ointment penetrate the innermost wounds that had been sealed in this and that life for future handling.
Now is the time. I can only plead with the choir in Solomon's Songs, yes, I do not want to awaken love before its proper time, because otherwise it so f***ing hurts.
How did it ever happen in the first place? How could I end up believing his words, which I normally simply laugh at? Was it the time we spent together 10 years ago? Was it his framing that made me let my guard go off? And of course, I have long been longing to be wanted, adored, accepted and loved.
I haaaattttte this. However, it made me realise how stable a Rock is under my feet and acknowledge that I really do not know, finally. Maybe, slowly, sometime... I might even do what I am only flirting in my brain with, namely, to start trusting... this... to the One who really knows what's best for me.
At least I know where the seemingly worse pain would come from.
And at last, but not least, "it's complicated" shall not appear on Facebook.
I am facing my giants, it's full body contact.
Wouldn't have thought I was going to write it down here. There you go. I was in love for a very-very short time.

Run, Gilgamesh, run!

Yes, it's a new year and I haven't been blogging. Of course, I have a lot to share. Let's start with Gilgamesh (the epic) which made me quite depressed for some time, which, at the same time I thoroughly enjoyed. Somehow things revolving around running have been really much on my heart and also the Marathon is on my plate for this year. You should also know that running is one of my favourite pastime activities that relaxes and rejuvenates me immensely.

So read my beloved section, this excerpt from Book IX